No way LeBron is leaving in 2010. So what if his endorsement deals double if he goes to New York. He's from Akron! He loves it here!
He has the privilege of playing with Ben Wallace, Anderson Varejao, Wally Szcerbiak, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Daniel Gibson, Sasha Pavlovic & Joe Smith (provided we haven't had a game the night before). No way the Knicks or Nets can do better then that. It doesn't matter that he's friends with Jay-Z or that he could open himself up to a global market by being Yi's teammate, he's FROM Cleveland. So just drop it, NEVER going to happen. I mentioned he's FROM Cleveland right?
Stage 2: Anger
I can't believe these uneducated idiots on ESPN are saying LeBron is going to leave his hometown and go to shitsville NYC or Brooklyn.
Why would he say that New York is his favorite city in the country? I bet he's just leading the incompetent gullible media on, thats all.
The only time ESPN even mentions him is to talk out of their asses and say he's going to leave. Why don't they ever show highlights of Cavs games? Why don't they ever show his super cool and completely original pre-game routine when he throws the powder on his hands!
The Media gives LeBron no love, and he doesn't get any calls from those corrupt officials either. I'm going to go post on the ESPN comment pages how stupid everyone is for not giving King James his due respect even if the original article has absolutely nothing to do with the Cavaliers or LeBron, that'll show those fucktards.
Stage 3: Bargaining
Listen God, I'll do anything, just tell me what I have to do. Take C.C. Sabathia from us, go ahead, we don't even need anything in return. The Browns can miss the playoffs again, so long as they finish in front of the Bengals.
Maybe if I kill Jay-Z that'll end all of this. That's probably too far... There's gotta be an easier way. Wait, wait....I got it! We can kidnap Beyonce and send Jay-Z her nipple or something. We've just gotta find a place to stash her for the rest of LeBron's career. We'll put her in downtown Cleveland, there's nothing there anyway.
Alright fine, just let us win a championship before he goes God. HAVE YOU NO MERCY??? I CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS. I CAN'T TAKE THE WAITING GOD, I CAN'T GO THROUGH ANOTHER 2 YEARS OF THIS. FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST PLEASE JUST END MY SUFFERING.
Stage 4: Depression
Why do I even bother being a sports fan. No matter where I turn in this god forsaken city all I see is another soul sucking pathetic excuse for a professional sports team.
Who am I kidding there's nothing to do here other then watch television, why would LeBron want to stay. The Cavs are going to leave town and theres nothing we can do about it. They'll probably win a championship within a couple years like the Browns did. This city is cursed. If there were any tall buildings here, I'd jump off one.
Stage 5: Acceptance
We were lucky to get LeBron in the first place. We survived Byner's fumble, the 97 World Series and MJ's shot on Ehlo, we can get through this.
Maybe LeBron will leave via a sign and trade and we'll get some nice assets out of this. Not to mention, we have a ton of cap space in 2010, so maybe we can sign Chris Bosh or Dwyane Wade. Plus, the Indians have a bunch of young guys and will definitely have pulled one out by then.
Best of all with LeBron gone, I'll have all the hotties in Cleveland all to myself again.
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